Look at What I've Done
by CeCeDanielle
Summary: I look up at her, but cannot meet her eyes, I cannot lie to them. What I feel with Ana is real. Its the most exhilarating thing I have ever experienced in my life, but I know that I, Christian Grey, am not worthy of such love. Like I said before, she deserves better than me.
1. Chapter 1

**"Look at What I've Done" - written by CeCeDanielle**

**Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing on this site, so please be gentle. I must confess: I am not an English teacher, nor am I an English major. So, my punctuation might be a little rusty. I heard this song on the radio, and it inspired me to write about my favorite couple, Ana and Christian. I have decided this story will be set in the first book right after Ana receives her extreme spanking from Christian that causes her to leave him. Lyrics belong to Chris Cagle and characters and some scenes in the story belong to E.L. James. The plot is all mine. This is more of a song fic than anything, but if I get enough positive reviews I may decide to keep going :) Thanks for reading!**

**Christian's POV**

I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I gave into my cravings and spanked Ana with a belt, upon her request. I should have known she couldn't handle it. After I drop the belt to the floor and lean down to rub her sweet cheeks to ease the pain, she turns her head to look at me. Her eyes, beautiful shades of blue, staring into my tired, gray eyes. She tried to look strong for me. I could see her beautiful blue eyes were holding back hot tears, knowing she wouldn't let them fall in front of me.

Just earlier tonight, she asked me to spank her to show her how extreme my lifestyle is. To see if she could tolerate the pain. Looking at her right now, I know my Ana cannot handle this. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to be with a man who thrives on beating her. I'm fifty shades of fucked up, and Ana is the definition of perfect. That's when I decided to leave and end my relationship with Anastasia Steele, my Ana.

"Are you okay?" I ask Ana as I look down at her with nothing but concern in my eyes. I already know the answer to the question, I feel like an idiot for asking. I just don't know what to say.

"Yes." she replies quietly trying to shake off the soft sobs that want to escape her body.

I know I have damaged her and our relationship.

"Why didn't you use the safe word, Ana?" I ask angrily, "I have told you time and time again that if I hurt you, use the safe word and I'll stop."

Ana just looks down at her feet, wringing her hands and shakes her head repeatedly. Finally, she looks up at me, "It didn't hurt Christian, there was no need to use the safe word if I wasn't in pain."

"That's bullshit!" I practically scream at her, "I know you're in pain. I don't like it when you lie to me, Anastasia."

She rolls her eyes at me and screams back, "What would you even know about the pain you just put me through, Christian? If you knew I were in pain, you would have stopped immediately. But you didn't. I have come to accept this, Christian. I have come to accept you for who you are and your needs. I love you Christian. I can deal with this part of your life, I have no choice."

I look at her and take in her beauty. Even with the red rimmed, puffy eyes she looks more radiant than ever. She is my Ana, my angel. I can't let her live through life putting up with my fifty shades of fucked up. She deserves better than this. She deserves better than me.

So I speak, "You're right, Ana. I have made you give up so much of your life just to be with me. I never let you make a decision. Not about your car, the blackberry, the computer, nothing. I forced everything on you at once. I haven't let you breathe since you met me. You're too good for me, Anastasia."

Ana looks at me with wide eyes, she knows what's coming. She speaks, "That's not what I meant, Christian. I have no choice but to accept it, because I love you. Don't you understand? I accept you because I love you. I would endure all the pain in the world to be with you."

I silently shake my head at her. I cannot accept her words of love after I just hurt her. She's too good for me. I realize now to protect her from myself, I must be cruel to her. I must lie and look straight into her eyes to make her see she deserves better than me.

"Ana, I cannot do this anymore. You're so young, so naive and innocent. I should have known better than to be getting into any kind of relationship with you."

She looks at me, fresh tears threatening to spill from her eyes, "You don't mean that Christian. You love me, I know you do!"

"I don't love, Ana. I don't even love myself. You deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you. I cannot give you that, so I don't want to give your heart false hope."

She is crying when she speaks again, "You do love me, Christian. You made love to me just the other night."

_ I saw it in her eyes  
When I was sayin' goodbye  
That girl, she ain't gonna be alright  
'Cause I could tell  
She'd be goin' through a livin' hell  
And I wouldn't be there by her side_

And lord I felt so bad as I sat and watched her cry  
Thinkin' I was movin' on and she was barely gettin' by

Look at what I've done to her  
Look at how I made her feel  
I gave back her heart, the broken part  
She got the wrong end of the deal  
And look at what it's done to me  
You gotta know it tears me up  
I gave it everything I had, and  
Lord, it just wasn't enough  
And hurtin' her like this seems so wrong  
Yeah, look at what I've done to her  
Now she's alone

I have to keep reminding myself that I must be cruel to her so I can get my point across and she'll move on. "As I told you before, Ana, I don't make love. I fuck. I'm sorry, but you are sadly mistaken. We have never made love, it was just pure fucking to me."

Ana looked flabbergasted. "I cannot believe you just said that to me. Am I not enough for you, Christian? Is this what it all boils down to?"

I look up at her, but cannot meet her eyes, I cannot lie to them. What I feel with Ana is real. Its the most exhilarating thing I have ever experienced in my life, but I know that I, Christian Grey, am not worthy of such love. Like I said before, she deserves better than me.

I take a deep breath and reply, "No, Ana, you're not enough."

She closes her eyes as sobs start to escape from her body. I wanted so badly to take her into my arms and never let her go. But I had to be realistic. and keep repeating that I'm not the one for her as much as it pained me to think it.

She doesn't say anything as she stands up to retrieve her clothing. She dresses quietly and reaches for the door. She opens it and takes one last look at me. I can see what's behind her eyes. She's begging me to come to her, to apologize. She doesn't want to walk out on me no matter how cruel I had been.

All I can do is shake my head at her, I cannot bring myself to say the words again, but she understands the message clear. She takes a deep breath and says to me, barely above a whisper, "You'll regret this one day, Christian Grey."

I look down at my feet knowing that she is indeed, correct. I already regret it that moment, but I cannot let her know that. She'll stay and I'll end up ruining her life. I look back up as I hear the door clicking shut and hear her footsteps leaving me, growing fainter as she walks down the hallway.

**Sooo, what'd ya think? Love it? Hate it? Please tell me! :) I will update the next chapters a few song verses at a time. Then after the song is finished, I will continue if you guys like it enough.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: To my reviewer labeled "Guest" who hates the story, my apologies. No one is making you read my story. I am all for a HEA for Christian and Ana. When did I ever say he would be going back to a sub? Just a little thought. This chapter will conclude the rest of the lyrics to the song... Like I said in the previous chapter, if I have enough positive reviews, I will continue writing even after I finish the lyrics. The song really just have me guidance. I just wanted to give credit where it was due for my idea :) Thank you so so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows! I am thrilled to know you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! :)**

**Christian's POV**

It's been two years since I have last seen or heard from Anastasia Steele, the only love of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I have slept with different women in attempts to forget about her, but all attempts ended in failure. I still end up dreaming about her when I fall asleep, or even saying her name at the point of my climax completely lost in the moment, making the women I'm actually sleeping with never want to have anything to do with me again. I am pathetic and weak, I know. But I don't care about those women. I just want my Ana back.

Sill, even after two years, she consumes every thought I possess. I miss her so much it hurts. I literally feel my heart break in two at times. Especially at night while I lie in bed -the bed we made love in, and the bed where I took her virginity. I hardly sleep at night, I have even started drinking nightly while playing the piano in attempts to numb the pain. 

Though my drinking has increased, I haven't let my image or my company fall to pieces. I have to be strong, well at least to the public eye. I come home every night to an empty bed, and I am haunted by her memory. I need her. I want her. But I can't have her. 

Sawyer and Taylor feel sorry for me, that's not hard to figure out. Especially when they came to me together a week after the separation to ask me if I wanted them to keep an eye on Ana to make sure she's safe. I agreed. Nothing is more important to me than Ana's safety. My only request was them not to tell me anything that's going on in her life unless she was in danger. I don't want to know what's going on in her life, as it will only torture me knowing I am not there sharing it with her. 

My family has been concerned for me, especially my mother. They all want me to come and socialize, to be the old Christian. I just can't without my Ana. All of my happiness left when she walked out of the door to my playroom and never looked back. There is no point in pretending to be happy in front of them, I just don't have the energy. They see right through me anyway, I'd rather just avoid them and skip out on the lectures I know they'll be forcing upon me.

Its Friday night, and I have finally given into Elliot's attempts to get me out of the house. He wants to take me to a local club that has just opened up, Rendezvous. I'm not too excited about it, but hey, Elliot is offering to buy me drinks. It wouldn't hurt for me to flirt with a pretty girl or two. 

I step out of the shower and wipe my face dry, along with the rest of my body. I then wrap the towel around my waist and go to the sink to shave and brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror, and I hate what and who I see. My copper colored hair clasped to my skin from the dampness of the shower, and my gray eyes looking lifeless. There are now dark circles under my eyes, that weren't there when I had Ana. 

I walk over to my closet and pull out one of my black suits to lay it on the foot of the bed. I go to find a tie to go with the suit, when I stumble across the gray one. Ana's favorite. I haven't worn it since I was with her. I considered getting rid of it, but I couldn't find it in me to do so. I decided I will wear it tonight. Its not like she'll see me in it, right? No one knows the significance of the tie and what it means to us but Ana. Wearing the tie just makes me feel closer to her, which is what I thrive for. 

Elliot and I arrive at Rendezvous to find the place already packed, and the music so loud its rattling my eardrums. Elliot is trying to yell at me over the music, but I fail to make out the words. I eventually follow him through the smoky, dark room to the bar where he buys ourselves two beers. We stand at the bar talking and catching up, laughing at the guys who attempt to dance with their girlfriends. I have missed my brother. Maybe I can finally move on after all, maybe I just needed a night like tonight. But you and I both know that's just the beer talking. 

In the midst of our conversation, I hear a female voice come from down the bar. The voice sounding so sweet, so angelic. I know immediately who it is. I turn to see Ana talking and giggling at the bartender. She looks more beautiful than I've ever seen her, and I immediately feel a magnetic pull for me to be near her.

_I saw her out last night  
And she was havin' a good time  
That girl, it looks like she's doin' fine_

She stands there and waits for her drinks to be made, tapping her fingers against the wooden counter. I was about to make my way towards her before I saw a man, a tall, muscular man walk up behind her and whispers something in her ear which makes her giggle. She didn't even notice I was standing just five feet away from her.

_But then I saw a man  
Walk up and take her by the hand  
And I, oh god, I almost died_

I felt an instant pain shoot through my chest. I take a deep breath. My heart is racing out of my chest, and my knees feel like jelly. I had no idea seeing her again would make me feel this way. I guess because I never imagined she'd be with someone else. She then takes her drinks, hands the bartender money, and walks away to where she is out of sight with all of the people in the room. She walks with so much poise, its almost not the same clumsy girl that fell into my office two years ago. 

I looked over at Elliot and he looked at me with a look that told me to go after her without him to actually say the words. I nodded at him and began to follow her through the crowd, but staying back far enough where she wouldn't notice me. I looked at the table she approached, it seated six people counting Ana. They were all clapping and cheering for her. I watched her as she blushed. I still find it adorable when she blushes. I then heard the tall, muscular man yell out with his glass in the air making a toast, "Congratulations, my love! You've got beauty, brains, and a book signing tomorrow! To Ana!" They all clinked their glasses together and sipped their drinks. The man then leaned over and kissed Ana chastely on the lips, which made Ana blush and giggle while looking into his eyes.

__

And then it hit me, she didn't really need me  
I just sat there for a while, until I finally smiled

Look at what I've done to her  
Look at how I made her feel  
She's found somebody new  
And look who took the time to heal  
And look at what it's done to me  
You gotta know it tears me up  
To have walked away from the love we made  
And just leave it in a cloud of dust  
And now it's got me thinkin' maybe I was wrong  
After all the things I've done to her  
Now she's strong 

I took a step back, letting the information sink into my brain. A book signing? Ana wrote a book? I want to run over and pull her into my arms and congratulate her. That has always been her dream. She had always wanted to write her own book. I am so proud of her that my heart swells with my love for her, but quickly fades away when I realize that the tall, muscular man kissed his Ana on the lips. Ana had found someone new. Ana had moved on. That statement alone made the information hit me like a ton of bricks. How wrong was I? I hurt my Ana, but for what? Nothing. I've been miserable for the past two years. I must make this right. I must make her mine again. 

Ana and her crowd finished their drinks and began to get out from the table, I'm assuming to dance on the dance floor. I must speak with her privately. I need to speak to her. Tell her how sorry I am. That I have felt nothing but misery since I made her leave. I regret losing her every single day. I make my way towards her, just to greet her with a simple "hello".

_I walked up and said hello  
She said, "it's good to see ya  
But hey, I've gotta go"  
_

I finally walked toward Ana, and once her eyes met mine, I swear I could see a fire being lit in her eyes just by looking at me. She then looks at my tie, knowing that its "our" tie. I know she notices. She _has_ to notice. Maybe she still loves me from the fiery look in her eyes. Or maybe she's still angry and hurt, and that I don't blame her. 

"Hello Ana," I tell her looking into her eyes. 

What she said next cut through me like a thousand knives. "It's good to see you, Christian. But as you can see, I'm busy celebrating with my friends." 

Before I could even reply, she took the tall, muscular man by the hand and lead him to the dance floor. She looked so confident. She blew me off like seeing me was nothing. What happened to my sweet, naive, forgiving Ana? She's a strong, accomplished young woman now.

_Look at what I've done to her  
Look at how I made her feel  
She's standin' tall, she's got it all  
Got the world at her heels  
And look at what it's done to me  
Look at how it makes me hurt  
If I could go back now  
I swear somehow  
I'd find a way to make it work  
_

I watch her sway her hips with the rhythm of the music with her arms around the man's neck. She glances at me once more, and locks eyes with me for a few brief seconds. A part of me wishes she was just trying to see if I was watching her in attempts to make me jealous. I want her to still care for me. I have to show her just how absolutely sorry I am. For all the mean, hurtful things I said to her. The lies. She has to know they were all lies. I walk back over to Elliot, and sat down. He looks at me expecting an explanation. 

"She found someone else," I tell him while looking down at the wooden counter.

Elliot patted me on the back and nodded. "What's meant to be will find a way, bro. I know you still love her, but haven't you heard the saying about how if you love something you set it free?" 

I shook my head no and Elliot continued, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it was always yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with." 

I look at my brother and take a deep breath and reply, "That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid she'll never come back." 

Elliot patted my shoulder and said, "Time is the best healer. You'll figure this out with time." 

I don't reply. I just down my drink feeling the alcohol burn the back of my throat, and ask the bartender to pour me another. I turn my head back towards the dance floor where Ana had been to see she isn't there anymore. My eyes darted all over the room to see her leaving the club holding the hand of the tall, muscular man. I'd wait until I got home to let my tears that are currently threatening to shed, fall for the love I have lost.

__

Ain't life funny  
Now I'm the one alone  
Look at what I've done to me  
She's gone 

**Okay, like I said at the beginning of the chapter, I am ALL for a happy ending for Ana and Christian. If you want me to continue, just hit the little review button at the bottom and tell me what you think :) I appreciate all the feedback!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Once again, I want to thank everyone for the reviews, follows, and favorites! I apologize for the short delay, but please bare with me. I'm an extremely busy woman! I am a mom of a wonderful little one year old boy, work full time, and in the process of buying my first home :) I haven't forgotten about you, I've been writing this chapter piece by piece during my downtime at work! Enjoy :)**

**Ana's POV - Saturday Morning  
**

I have been lying here staring at my alarm clock waiting for its rude interruption for hours. Matter of fact, I haven't slept a wink. Every time I do close my eyes and think I'm about to fall asleep, I see his gray eyes staring at me just as he was in club Rendezvous.

'What was he doing there anyway?' I think to myself. Then I reply to my own question, "Its a public club, Ana, anyone can be there'.

Seeing him again for the first time in two years really threw me for a loop! I knew one day I'd run into Christian again, I just didn't think it would be so soon. Not saying two years is soon, but for my heart it was soon enough. Not only that, I thought I'd be prepared for it. Since the night I walked out on him, I promised myself I wouldn't be the sweet, innocent, and naive Ana any longer.

That girl would get me no where in the business world. I had to change myself into someone daring, confident, sexy, and intimidating - of course, no one could be as intimidating as Christian Grey, but I still had to attempt it. I must say I succeeded. With my new attitude and personality, I got anything I wished to have. So how come seeing Christian again can make all of that disappear?

I still go weak in the knees, my heart still gets stuck in my throat, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I desperately hope he didn't notice he still affected me in that way. I'm really surprised I was able to speak a full sentence without stuttering and faltering before him. That, I was proud of myself for.

In all truth, I just wanted to walk away - run away, actually. Just run out of the club and never look back. But I couldn't give him that sort of satisfaction. He hurt me, he broke my heart into a million pieces. So, I did what any ordinary girl would do in this situation, I grabbed my boyfriend and headed for the dance floor. I looked at Christian to see if he was watching me dance with my new man, but once he looked away, I faked sick and asked my boyfriend to take me home. I couldn't bare to be in the same room as Christian.

Who is my boyfriend you may ask? His name is Austin. Austin Williams. CEO of Williams Publishing. Now, I know I should never mix business with pleasure, but when I got the call that Williams Publishing wanted to print my upcoming novel, I couldn't resist the offer or his charm. He was tall, just as tall as Christian. His eyes were dark brown unlike the gray eyes I was used to staring into. His hair was just as dark, much darker than Christian's copper colored hair. Austin also spent a lot of his free time in the gym, which caused him to be very muscular and fit. He was absolutely stunning. Austin was everything a girl could want.

When I first met Austin 10 months ago, I was instantly attracted to him. I was just unsure if I could love someone as much as I loved Christian. He took me by surprise, of course, he made me fall for him. I was crazy about Austin. Seeing Christian though, threw my thoughts and feelings for a whirl. I didn't know how I was going to get through this book signing with all my thoughts and feelings jumbled like this! Oh Angela, my publicist, is going to freak if she sees these dark circles under my eyes.

I decide to get up out of bed, take a long, hot shower, and eat breakfast quietly replaying last night at the club in my head. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing, playing that familiar ring tone. I smile seeing the caller ID.

"Hello?" I say into the phone smiling.

"Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling? You had me worried last night," Austin says. I can tell he is also smiling. I love how giddy we are with each other. He makes me happy.

"Good morning to you, too. I am feeling much better, sweetie. Thank you for taking me out for the celebration, and I'm sorry I rained on everyone's parade" I apologize.

"It's no worries, Ana. It was my pleasure to take you out to celebrate your success. Its okay that you were feeling a bit under the weather, I completely understand." He replies.

I smile. He's so sweet and so considerate. "I'm about to head out for my book signing. I'll call you after?"

"I'm looking forward to it, my dear." he tells me. We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone, grab my keys and purse and head out the door.

**Christian's POV - Saturday Morning:**

I woke up with a pounding headache, I assume its from the alcohol and crying myself to sleep. I had nothing but dreams of Ana being with that man all night long. Dreams, no, its more like nightmares. I groan, walk to the bathroom and take some aspirin to help with my headache. I take a shower, get dressed, and walk into the common area to see Taylor talking with Gail. They both stop talking and nod their heads to greet me.

"Taylor. Gail." I greet them back.

"Mr. Grey." they both say in unison.

"Taylor, I need you to tell me something about Ana. I saw Ana last night, and I overheard she was having a book signing. I need you to find out where and what time," I tell him in my dominant tone.

"Since I have been keeping tabs on Ana, Mr. Grey, I already know. Ana is having a book signing at Barnes & Noble in downtown Seattle at 2pm," Taylor replied.

I nod and inform him that I'll be in attendance and will need the car. I go to walk away, but stop in my tracks and turn around to meet Taylor's eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me she had met someone, Taylor?" I ask him.

Taylor's eyes meet the floor and I can already tell he was working up the words to apologize. "You told me you didn't want to know anything unless she were in danger, sir," he says.

I nod in understanding, "I know that's what I said. I just wish you would have told me. Do you know who he is?"

Taylor once again nods and avoids my gaze, "Mr. Williams, sir. Austin Williams, CEO of Williams Publishing."

I nod. "Is that the same company publishing her book?"

Taylor replies yes confirming my question.

I nod again without saying a word and start thinking. She probably met him during a meeting, and he more than likely pursued her seeing how irresistible she is. My God, she's a doll. Anyone would be blind to see through her.

Taylor pulls up to the curb at Barnes & Noble at 1:45pm, coming to open my door. I stand out on the sidewalk for a mere few seconds having second thoughts about entering.

'Should I do this?' I think to myself. 'She's already found someone else. She's over you, Grey.'

I shake those thoughts away and walk through the doors to see the setup of Ana's new book. Her picture on the front cover of "Love Unrequited", is a beautiful picture. She looks happy, carefree. Completely opposite of when I saw her walk out of Escala two years ago. She really does have the world at her heels.

I pick up one of the books and turn it over on its back to obtain a synopsis of what my angel has written. With a title such as "Love Unrequited", I can only imagine what its about.

_23 year old Cynthia Montgomery is top of her class at one of the top ivy-league schools in the country. Upon graduation, she finds herself falling hard and quick for multimillionaire, Christopher Green. Christopher has many skeletons in his closet that he keeps hidden from the world. Christopher believes he is incapable of loving, or being loved. Will he fall in love with Cynthia Montgomery? Or will he push her away? Can Cynthia push aside all his secrets and love him for who he is? "Love Unrequited" by Anastasia R. Steele._

I stand there staring at the book in my hands. Ana wrote about us, and our short-term love affair. Love Unrequited? Did she really think I didn't love her? I feel sick. I never wanted her to think I didn't love her. With all of my heart and soul I loved her. The only woman I ever loved romantically, and I had hurt her in more ways than one could imagine. I decided to buy the book I had in my hands, and to confront Ana, and ask her for an autograph.

I walk up to the table, catching Ana's eyes. They look surprised and even fearful. I know she wonders how I know about her book signing, but she should know by now I know everything.

"Hello, Christian," Ana says coolly.

"Hello, Ana," I begin to greet her back, "I was just in the neighborhood and decided stopped by."

She smiles and I can see the red color intruding on her cheeks. She's blushing because of me. That's a good sign, right?

"We both know that's not true, Christian. You asked Taylor to find me, didn't you? This isn't coincidence at all." she replies.

It's my turn to blush, and I nod looking down at the floor. How can this one woman fluster me?

"You're right, Ana," I begin, "I just wanted to come and congratulate you and get the famous lady's autograph."

She holds out her hand reaching for the book, and brushes her hand against mine accidentally. The electricity that runs through my veins from the one touch has me feeling completely alive, and I know that Ana feels it too.

She leans down to write in the book, and a minute later returns it to me. "Thank you for coming, Christian. This means the world to me."

I smile at her and respond, "Anything for you, Ana."

I turn on my heel and walk out of Barnes & Noble, Taylor waiting for me at the car door to greet me. Inside the car, I open the book to find Ana's signature. I smile and touch her words, she always had such beautiful handwriting. Her words were so professional, but meant so much to me.

_To Christian Grey, my inspiration for writing this book. Without you, this book wouldn't have been possible. Thank you for everything and more. Ana Steele_

**Please review! Thank you so much! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews on last chapter! I am nervous that I am not writing this story justice for you guys, you're the best! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Ana's POV:**

As I lay here in Austin's arms, my thoughts can't help but drift to Christian. Its been two weeks since I last saw him. Why did he go through the trouble of finding out where my book signing was? Why did he have Taylor track me down? It's not like he cares about me, he made that pretty clear when he pushed me away at Escala that night. If he loved me, he would have begged me to stay. I know I shouldn't be thinking about this man. Do I still love him? No. Absolutely not. I shut my eyes tightly because I know I am lying to myself. Hell, I will always love that man. He has some hold over me that I can't explain. I shake my thoughts and conclude that I love Austin. Christian had his chance and that is that. I've moved on and I am only going forwards, not backwards.

Austin begins to stir and I immediately look at him to find his eyes on me. I blush under his gaze and smile.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Austin tells me.

I practically melt at his words and reply. "Good morning to you, too."

He kisses my forehead and down my cheeks, and holds me tighter to him. I feel so safe in Austin's arms. I feel safe, loved, cherished, protected. I know what I have with Austin is secure. As much as I love Christian, I'm not sure I'll ever feel secure with him. He acted like he loved me, treated me like he loved me, but only to tell me I wasn't enough for him. He didn't love me at all. Austin is a good man with a pure heart. I know he loves me.

I attempt to slide out of bed, but Austin's arms are tight around me. "Austin," I laugh, "Let me go, I have to get a shower before work. You're going to make me late."

The look he gives me says 'Ana, really? You work for me'. He laughs at me and I join in on his laughter. "Say what you want, Mr. Williams, but I will not accept special treatment just because I am sleeping with the boss."

"That's such a shame, the sex is so good..." He tells me playfully.

That I cannot deny. The sex was oh, so good. Austin Williams was a pure sex God.

We both get out of bed and he slaps my right butt cheek as I walk into the bathroom. I yelp out in surprise to see an amused face when I turn around. "Austin." I warn him. He just laughs and comes to kiss me. I kiss him back passionately, and then smack his arm. "Go make this hungry girl some breakfast." I tell him jokingly.

He acts hurt by the hit, but a big grin is spread across his face. He bows playfully and says, "As you wish, Miss Steele."

I laugh and roll my eyes at him. He's such a goofball when we're not at work. That's one of the reasons why I love him so much. He can be himself around me. Christian was always so uptight, so cold. I don't think Christian Grey has a joking bone in his body.

'Okay Anastasia' I scold myself, 'The thinking about Christian Grey stops here in this room. And no more comparing. Austin loves you, Christian doesn't. Point blank. Austin is incomparable',

I shower and dress for work in a black pencil skirt, a deep purple button up blouse, and followed by black heels. My deep brown hair is cascading down around my shoulders in light curls, and natural waves. I walk into the kitchen and I hear Austin whistling at me. I twirl around, "Like the view?" I ask with a smirk.

He laughs wrapping his arms around me. "I do indeed, baby," he tells me before kissing me one last time. "Now sit, I made blueberry pancakes with bacon and toast," he tells me while guiding me to my seat. It smells absolutely delightful.

"Thank you for cooking for me, Austin. It smells delicious." I smile at him. He kisses my cheek and tells me it was no problem while sitting beside me to eat as well.

We chat as we eat the food on our plates, and put our dishes in the sink. "Go get a shower, and I'll meet you at the office."

"Okay, baby. I'll be there soon. Be careful." Austin tells me while kissing my forehead. I smile. He's always so concerned about my safety. 'Reminds you of someone else...' I stop myself right there. I need to get a hold of myself with this Christian Grey mess.

I drive to the office and immediately get to work. The day passes by so quickly, I didn't even realize when it's time to leave.

"Miss Steele," Austin calls from his office. Everyone that heard Austin call for me immediately looks my way. I roll my eyes. I know people talk in this office, but jeez.

"Did you call for me Mr. Williams?" I ask while walking in his office and shut the door.

He chuckles. "We don't have to use formality when its just us, Ana." He motions for me to come over behind his desk and sit in his lap.

I sit in his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him softly. "Are you coming over tonight?" I ask him.

"I'm going to be late in meetings. That's why I want you to move in with me," he kisses my cheek.

"I'm just not ready, Austin," I reply.

He nods and caresses my cheek. "I know, I know. Go home and get some rest. I will see you in the morning."

I kiss him one last time and tell him my goodbyes before heading out of the office. I arrive home and walk into my bedroom to change into some sweats, and a tight tank top. I head for the kitchen to find me some wine, and a glass. I normally don't drink, but I am alone and I deserve at least one glass of wine.

Two hours, four glasses of wine, and a chick flick later, I am feeling tired. As I rise off my couch to bring my wine glass to the kitchen sink, there is a knock at the door. I smile as I walk over to the door thinking it is Austin just getting back from his meetings. He told me he would see me in the morning, but with him, you never know.

I open the door to see no one other than Christian Grey standing in front of me. His eyes dark, I think I even smell a hint of alcohol on his breath. But oh my, he looks sexy. Focus Ana, focus! I shut my door behind me and turn to look at his gorgeous face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him looking up into his dark, grey eyes.

"I needed to see you. I had Taylor find out where you live," he replies.

Of course he did. Is there anything Christian Grey can't find out?

"And just why did you need to come see me? And why are you drunk? I ask him while folding my arms across my chest.

"Why did you write that, Ana? Why did you write what you wrote me in your signature? Why did you tell me that it meant the world to you that I came to see you?" he asks.

I take in a sharp breath. "And why are you drinking? You never answered that question."

"Because of you, Ana! Why do you think? Now answer my questions!" he growls.

"You were my inspiration to write the book. What happened between us triggered a story for me. The book is about a woman who is head over heels for a man, and the feelings are unrequited." I answer him quietly.

"You think I don't love you?" he asks.

"You pushed me out! Told me I wasn't enough! Of course you didn't love me!" I respond way too quickly to his question.

He shakes his head at me and chuckles. Did he just chuckle at me? Seriously? "I did it for your own good, Ana. But don't ever think for one second I didn't or don't love you. Because I do."

"You love me?" I ask shocked.

"With everything I am, Ana." he replies taking a step towards me.

I shake my head at him and take a step backwards, "You're drunk, Christian."

"And you're beautiful. I know you love me, Ana. Admit it." he demands.

I shake my head and whisper, "No, I don't love you Christian."

He has me pinned against my door now, lost in his eyes. "You're lying to me. I know you love me," he tells me leaning into my lips.

I push him away and slap him hard across the face. He looks as shocked as I do. "You don't get to do this! This isn't fair!" I yell at him,

"Do what, Ana? What am I doing?" he asks holding his cheek.

"This. Showing up at my doorstep drunk telling me you love me. I've moved on. I don't know why you still bother to play with my emotions. It isn't fair," I whisper.

He leans forward and caresses my cheek, "I'm sorry for everything, Ana. I regret it every day. I love you, I really do. I don't want to barge into your life when you have clearly moved on. I just wanted you to know that you always were enough. I just didn't want to ruin your life with me and my baggage. My fifty shades of fucked up. I'm sorry, Ana. I really am sorry."

He turns to walk away, and I let him. I let Christian Grey walk away from me. What the hell am I doing? I run after him, slam him into the wall behind us, and crash my lips to his. I'm not sure if its the alcohol or my sober thoughts, but for right now I don't care. I just have Christian. Pressed against me. My hands in his hair with his hands around my waist. We kiss all the way back to my apartment, and he lets me go just to open the door and let him in.

As soon as the door is closed and locked behind us, Christian picks me up and slams me against the wall. My legs immediately wrap around his waist and I grind against his arousal I feel begging to be released from his slacks. I have missed him, and its been way too long. We kiss each other passionately, our tongues dancing and caressing each other in their own rhythm and dance. We peel each others clothes off and end up naked in my bedroom. When we reach the bedroom, he lays me gently down on the bed. He is taking his time with me now despite what was happening against the door. He hovers over me, resting against my entrance.

"Are you sure?" he asks me.

"My God, Christian, yes. Now please hurry up!" I practically yell at him.

He smiles at me, leans down to kiss me chastely, and gently pushes into me. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I am succumbed to complete ecstasy. We make love to each other taking our time, not rushing anything.

**The next morning - Christian's POV:**

I wake up with the sun peeking through the blinds and practically blinding me. For a moment, I forget where I am. Then I look down and see Ana's beautiful hair fanned out across my chest. I smile. It wasn't a dream. Thank God it wasn't a dream. I kiss her forehead and she stirs. I smile at her, and she smiles back. She then is wide awake, eyes wide as saucers, and jumps out of bed wrapping a sheet around her body.

"What the fuck, Christian?" she yells at me.

I'm confused. "What, Ana? What's wrong?"

"This is what's wrong! You in my bed! You're in my bed.. Oh my God..." she says pacing back and forth across the room.

"Ana, you knew what was happening last night. You told me you loved me. We reconnected last night, it was beautiful. Please come here, calm down, and let me hold you," I hold my arms out for her.

She looks at me with such anger in her eyes, it frightens me. "I don't want you to touch me, Christian. I want you out of my bed. This shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake. We were both drunk, and I apologize for whatever I may have said to you. I am in love with someone else. I've moved on and I suggest you do the same. Now get up, get dressed and get out of my apartment. Please do not contact me or find me again."

"You don't mean that, Ana. You love me, I know you do!" I practically scream at her while jumping out of bed and walking towards her.

"I don't love you, Christian. Once upon a time, I did, but I don't anymore. I love Austin. He gives me everything I need. You're not enough for me, Christian. You're not the man I need." she replies.

I have to admit, that stung. I can feel the heat threatening to leave my eyes. I guess I deserve this. This is basically what I told her two years ago, that she wasn't enough for me. Now I'm the one not enough for her. My how the tables have turned on Christian fucked up Grey.

"Now please go, Christian. I have to get showered and dressed so I can face the love of my life and not let the guilt eat me alive." Ana tells me.

I nod and gather my clothes piece by piece as I walk through the rooms. My thoughts drifting back to last night, and how hungry we were for each other. I dress quietly and I hear the shower starting as I put on my shoes. She doesn't appear, and I know she won't. I slip on my suit jacket, open the door, take a deep breath and walk out of Ana's apartment determined to leave her be at all costs no matter how much it hurts. She has made her decision and it wasn't me.

**Please please please review and tell me what you think! Thanks! :)**


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